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Peer Essay Review Test

Objective: Students will read the following body paragraphs and counter arguments from students’ essays-highlight topic sentences/transitions (yellow) and evidence (orange); assign a grade (A-F); and, critique the essay (support your grade claim with evidence from the essay) in order to better understand the different levels of essays.

Body Paragraph #1

A technology free day should not be implemented because it limits students’ access to worldwide culture and access to relevant information. The use of technology has broadened students’ perspectives on the world. In fact, according to Keith Hampton, associate professor at Rutgers and chairman of the American Sociological Association, those who used technologies such as social media reached out to more cultures and were more diverse in their interactions (Hampton). Through this diversity, students are encouraged to learn about the culture of the world and ultimately prepare them for their future ahead. A student in California isolated to one community is now able to learn and interact with cultures around the world, an unimaginable feat of education. A technology free day would isolate and separate Californian students from their country and their world. A technology free day is also harmful because the Internet also provides relevant and useful information to students. According to Peter Norvig, director of research at Google Inc., search engines such as Google can return as much as 45,000 pieces of information on a particular subject, while the local library can only return 18 (Norvig).  The use of technology has freed students from cultural isolation and allowed them to explore the world beyond. A technology free day would prevent students from being able to research and find more beneficial information about their research. Could you see a world where the research of law, science, art, and culture were limited to several pages within an outdated book? A technology free day would inhibit students’ ability to research and become culturally aware. In addition, a technology free day would limit students’ ability to become more adept at finding information.



Body Paragraph

Topic Sentence

Reason

Evidence


Evidence

Analysis (How? Why?)

Transition

H M L


_______________

H M L


H M L

H M L


H M L

Circle One: There should be a technology free day.

There should not be a technology free day.

Grade: A B C D F

Critique: This essay deserves this grade because ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________




Body Paragraph #2

The Internet is a great way for people to build relationships quicker and more linked relationships. Social media keeps people together, when they can’t be there right away, Keith Hampton states that, “Living alone nor using social media is socially isolating”(Hampton). Social media allows a relative to contact you from another country or from another state. Social media gives Americans an easier way to stay linked to each other. Keith Hampton also says that, “The average user of a social networking site had more close ties than and was half as likely to be socially isolated as the average American”(Hampton). Social media users have closer friends than those in America that don’t use social media. Social media keeps people closer together even when they aren’t with each other at those exact moments when they are on social media. Social media is a great way to stay together and keep close ties, and it makes life faster and easier as well as the Internet.



Body Paragraph

Topic Sentence

Reason

Evidence


Evidence

Analysis (How? Why?)

Transition

H M L


_______________

H M L


H M L

H M L


H M L

Circle One: There should be a technology free day.

There should not be a technology free day.

Grade: A B C D F

Critique: This essay deserves this grade because ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________




Body Paragraph #3

There are some really bad things that could come from electronics like bullying and not physical bullying, it’s cyber bullying. Some people get cyber bullied so much that they never even leave their house. And very few people may get bullied to the point where they “kill” themselves. Electronics are making people stupid because you can look up any word or anything people want. Instead of actually finding the word ourselves and using our minds to learn and understand the word, we can just look it up and not care about the word and what it means. When people don’t use their mind to understand things they just get the answer and don’t grow up to be as smart as everyone else.



Body Paragraph

Topic Sentence

Reason

Evidence


Evidence

Analysis (How? Why?)

Transition

H M L


_______________

H M L


H M L

H M L


H M L

Circle One: There should be a technology free day.

There should not be a technology free day.

Grade: A B C D F

Critique: This essay deserves this grade because ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________




Body Paragraph #4

If the technology truly is “rewiring our brains” (Volkow) then people should definitely limit the usage and this is a start. “Scientists say juggling e-mail, phone calls and other incoming information can change how people think and behave” (Richtel). The tech that Californians use is influencing how they act. A neuroscientist, Adam Gazzaley, at the University of California, San Francisco says that “We are exposing our brains to an environment and asking them to do things we weren’t necessarily evolved to do… We know already there are consequences.” But how far will Californians and people across the country and world go, until the consequences outweigh the gain.  



Body Paragraph

Topic Sentence

Reason

Evidence


Evidence

Analysis (How? Why?)

Transition

H M L


_______________

H M L


H M L

H M L


H M L

Circle One: There should be a technology free day.

There should not be a technology free day.

Grade: A B C D F

Critique: This essay deserves this grade because ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________





Body Paragraph #5

There shouldn’t be a technology free day because then students wouldn’t be able to increase their intelligence as much as possible. Technology allows people to look something up if they need help with any subject. “Today, Google is the new technology. The Internet contains the world's best writing, images, and ideas; Google lets us find the relevant pieces instantly” (Norvig). For that one day a week kids might have trouble understanding what the teacher is teaching and/or the way the teacher is teaching it. Today students have everything they need to know online.  “In the blink of an eye, the search engine delivers useful information about pretty much any subject” (Carr). If there is anything that teachers might have trouble with they can look it up, but if there is no technology allowed to look it up they have to wait till the next day, at which that information is no longer important.  Even though technology is great there are some downsides to it.



Body Paragraph

Topic Sentence

Reason

Evidence


Evidence

Analysis (How? Why?)

Transition

H M L


_______________

H M L


H M L

H M L


H M L

Circle One: There should be a technology free day.

There should not be a technology free day.

Grade: A B C D F

Critique: This essay deserves this grade because ___________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________




Counter Argument #1

             Others would like to differ with this kind of opinion towards technology because it may distract some of the kids from learning and it may be harder to think. Some people think that the students using technology would be distracted by it, so it would be harder for them to work, “I’m not thinking the way I used to think. I can feel it most strongly when I’m reading,” (Carr & Norvig). This says that the people are starting to not think as strongly, but they also feel its harder to work. The students may find it harder to think as they use technology, “They found that people using the sites exhibited ‘a form of skimming activity,’ hopping from one source to another,” (Carr & Norvig). This quote says that the people using technology today start to become more quick-oriented and want to finish something faster. Some of the students may find it harder to work, think, and learn due to the distractions from technology. Though it is harder to think in classes with the technology used today students can prove responsibility in themselves today.



Counter Argument #2

Having a technology free day in California is important to teachers and students alike, but some people choose to refute the idea. They say that that the use of technology is important because it allows students to connect more with each other. “Because of...social media, those we depend on are more accessible today” (Hampton).However, having all the people that you could possibly need to talk to right at your fingertips could pose as a distraction. When students are using their computers in class, they can email their friends and easily be torn away from their tasks. A technology free day each week would help students zone in and get their work done without interference. The opposition may say that technology is necessary for students to do research for their school work. “When the history of our current age is written, it will say that Google has made us smarter—both individually and collectively—because we have ready and free access to information” (Norvig). However, there are other ways that students can access information. For example, students can go back to books and magazines to do their research. It will give students a chance to step away from their screens, and take a break from interruption and distraction. It will also allow them to go back to the age old tradition of sifting through the library and finding information on their specific topic without being bombarded with other information.  There are many reasons why California should have a technology free day.


1. Circle the more effective counter argument. Counter Argument #1 Counter Argument #2

2. Highlight what makes one counter argument more effective than the other. Explain why it is more effective.



3. What needs to be included to have an effective counter argument?

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