There are no citations anywhere in the paper



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I do not see that you used the bibliography tool in the document. There is no bibliography attached and no citations after your annotations.

It does not look like you set up the initial format correctly – see your notes from October 28th.

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There are no citations anywhere in the paper.



You were to insert a bibliography of your research and citations at the end of the paper, this was not done.

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Watch the use of “that.” It is a word that is often used as a filler and totally unnecessary. When you remove it and then read the sentence, it often reads stronger.

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I don’t see anything about the types of Engineers used in your city and what they do.



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A good strategy when you think a written essay is done is to read it out loud. You will hear the grammatical errors. I do not believe you spent much time editing this paper, nor did you give it to your parents or anyone else to read first. Many of the errors you made should have been caught and corrected.

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While this is a reasonable essay on ___, it does not address the prompt given for the competition. You also did no use the technology tools introduced in class even though I provided you with a video in your annotated bibliography on how to use the tool.



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I am going to suggest you always read your essay aloud before turning it in. That way you would hear phrases that don’t make sense or sound right. You would have caught these errors,

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Ask yourself, “Does this add to the strength of the essay topic?” If not, then I would not include it. Remember the audience you are writing for and the purpose of the essay. The audience is professional Engineers, the purpose of the essay is to tell about your city and how you are solving the problem at hand.



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Proper names or titles are capitalized,

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Think about the use of parentheses in your writing. If what you have to say is important, then take it out of parentheses and just say it. If it does not strengthen or clarify, then remove the entire wording.

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I split the paragraph up because there are way too many sentences for the reader to follows.



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This is not a conclusion paragraph. You need to be more specific in how the urban farm benefits. Go back and re-read one of the finalist essays to get an idea of how a strong conclusion should sound.

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Do not use contractions in formal writing.



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What is it? Avoid the use of pronouns whenever possible, especially, “it.”

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Does it make sense to actually name your design something instead of continually referring to it as “Our design?”



When do I write out numbers:

Quotation mark capitalization:

Punctuation and Quotation Marks:

Sentence Run-ons: (Einstein)



How to use commas: (Einstein)

Semicolons: (Einstein)


End punctuation :

Capitalization:

There, They’re, Their



Affect vs. Effect

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