Directions: Read the essay first with your pencils down. Then, go back and complete the following tasks:
Which prompt did the writer use?
What is the thesis statement? It will probably be in the conclusion. It should state the purpose of the essay – the significance. It answers “So what?” Write it down here in your own words. If you are not sure what it is, state that. ______________________________________________
What personal story does the writer use to answer the prompt?_________________________
Do you feel as if you are there watching the story unfold? In other words, do you see what the writer saw and feel what the writer felt? If not, what is lacking?_________________________
List at least three descriptive details that show the story. If there are not three, state that.
What is the author’s attention-getter and how effective is it? Even if it is good, give a suggestion for an alternate beginning. _______________________________________________________
Does the conclusion tie in with the introduction and make it clear what the purpose was for using that particular story for the writer’s personal statement? __________________________
If you were the admissions counselor deciding whether or not to admit this student based upon this essay alone, would you? Why or why not? Be HONEST and give specific, helpful feedback on how to improve the essay if not. If you would accept this student based upon the essay, give at least two specific reasons for your decision. __________________________________________