Good Mediocre Poor



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Date09.01.2017
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What Makes a Quality Thesis?

Good

Mediocre

Poor

Learning to play the cello is the most important lesson I have learned (very clear, addresses the essay prompt, and is efficiently stated).

It is obvious that Hangeul was the greatest event of Korean history (words like “obvious” are both informal and too subjective for a thesis…also the word “Hangeul” needs more description, such as “the development of Hangeul…”).

There are many reasons, but lifestyle changes, confidence, and not giving up are the biggest reasons. (Redundant use of language…also the student connects an idea from another sentence [referring to an influential slogan in his life]. A thesis statement should be clear to the reader by itself).

The most important lesson I have learned is that relationships with a diverse group of people are important (clear, addresses the topic, general enough [“diverse group of people”] to allow the author to explain further in both the essay map and body paragraphs.

These words were introduced during the Japanese colonial era, which is the greatest event in Korean history (The author combines a different idea in the thesis statement. Don’t do that, keep the thesis separate. Also, the language may need to be changed, such as “The Japanese colonial period was the most significant period in Korean history” a period and event have very different meanings).

The ant is very hardworking throughout the story. (The author doesn’t address the essay prompt…hardworking is more appropriate for the essay map—an improvement: The ant is my favorite character from Aesop’s fables).

A fox and a sour grape is my favorite story among Aesop’s fables (clear, direct, addresses the essay prompt)

I think the fox acted wisely (efficiently stated, however, does not address the essay prompt…the sentence needs more context: “The fox is my favorite character from Aesop’s fables”…also the author introduces an idea—“wisely”--which may be more appropriate for the essay map).

If we have to choose just one subject, I insist we learn about history (Thesis is in reference to another idea in the paragraph…A thesis should be able to “stand alone”…the thesis should address the essay prompt better: “The need to study history is the most important lesson I have learned”).


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