Dear Kathy



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Date07.01.2017
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Dear Kathy,

I read your essay and I found it to be very informative about the benefits of adopting children and it has made me seriously think about adopting a child in the future. I really did enjoy your essay but there were some questions I wanted to ask you:



  • In paragraph 3 you mention that kids in foster homes endure many types of abuse including sexual abuse, is that true for ALL foster homes or what?

  • Also in paragraph 3 you say kids who are not adopted end up not going to college and end up being homeless again is it true for ALL non-adopted children?

  • Are there any statistics you can find to prove all the facts you are stating in the essay?

I also have some observations about your essay that I would like to share with you and these observations are:

  • Throughout the essay I found that there are some missing letters on certain words and makes it hard to understand the essay and there some incorrect uses of some words in the essay as well.

  • I noticed that in the essay there were not any type of statistics or sources to prove the points you were making.

  • You make many claims and state that it is true for all foster children or adopted children but there is no evidence to support it.

Praises

  • I really like how you were able to show why adopted children have great relationships with the adoptive parents.

  • You were able to add a nice personal touch to the essay that really makes people think hard about adopting.

  • You described very well the difference between an adopted child and non-adopted child and an adopted child and a child with their biological parents.

I Wonder

  • I wonder if Adopted Children are actually more successful than non-adopted children and if there are any statistics to prove it.

  • I wonder what exactly helps Adopted Children rise above in life more than other children.

  • I wonder if non-adopted children do end up becoming homeless or if they actually have a higher rate of being homeless.

  • I wonder is adoption the best way to help these kids rise up to being something better or can foster homes be bettered to help more of these children have a better life even though they were not adopted.

I really did like the essay but there are certain items that you must work on to make sure that the essay gives the right information and has evidence to back it up. Fix some of the errors in the essay and also reread it and make sure you are using the right words because I found some words that are not supposed to be there. Also try to make the Introduction more explanatory of what the essay will be about because I know it is about adoption but just add a little more to it to make it better and try not to write many short sentences with only like 6 words try to expand it or add it on to another sentence.

P.S. If you have any questions about whatever I wrote to you, please feel free to approach me and ask me and I will be more than happy to explain it to you.



Sincerely.

Jaime Ochoa Moreno

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