Attempt #1: Jumping right in… Attempt #2: add something catchy at the very beginning of your paper



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Date18.09.2018
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Hook

  • Attempt #1: Jumping right in…
  • The black death killed many people in Europe during the mid-1300’s

Hook

  • Attempt #1: Jumping right in…
  • The black death killed many people in Europe during the mid-1300’s
  • Decay, suffering, death. This is what more than 100 million people had to look forward to in the mid-1300s.

Introduction

  • In this essay, I will be discussing the affects of media on the behaviour of teenagers.

Introduction

  • Remove the obvious transition “In this essay”
  • Remove the first person “I”
  • Spell/grammar check
  • Add a thesis statement and transition.

Introduction

  • In this essay, I will be discussing the effects of media on the behaviour of teenagers.
  • Mass media has had a profound effect on the manner in which teenagers of this generation behave. Research shows that adolescents can attribute the use of drugs and alcohol, bullying, and higher than average risk-taking, to what is presented in the media.

Body Paragraph

  • This is where your research should support your ideas…
  • Most students say that they are bullied by other students who play Grand Theft Auto.

Body Paragraph

  • Most students say that they are bullied by other students who play Grand Theft Auto.
  • This is not research… it is your opinion.
  • Add published statements that will PROVE in some way that bullying can be attributed to exposure to media…

Body Paragraph

  • Most students say that they are bullied by other students who play Grand Theft Auto.
  • Wonka found in his study that “over 20% of reported cases of bullying were caused by teens who play or played Grand Theft Auto” (2012).
  • OR
  • Most students say that they are bullied by other students who play Grand Theft Auto, which is no surprise, as “Grand Theft Auto has been shown to negatively impact behaviour in teens” (Wonka, 2012).

Body Paragraph

  • Formula (one sentence each):
  • Transition or topic sentence
  • Make statement/assertion
  • Support with research
  • Synthesize your own thoughts with the quote/research.
  • Move on: concluding sentence.

Body Paragraph

  • Option #2:
  • Transition or topic sentence
  • Make statement/assertion
  • Support with research
  • Make additional statement to build on first idea
  • Support with another piece of research
  • Synthesize your own thoughts with the two pieces of research.
  • Move on: concluding sentence.

Conclusion

  • In conclusion, research has shown that flushing your goldfish down the toilet does not result in bad Karma.

Conclusion

  • Restate some of your points.
  • Remove the informal first and second person.
  • Avoid the obvious.

Conclusion

  • In conclusion, research has shown that flushing your goldfish down the toilet does not result in bad Karma.
  • See what I did there? Left you thinking!! ------------------
  • One may worry whether it is unwise to flush a pet goldfish down the toilet. Karma particles are not reliant on individual actions but rather a holistic lifestyle. Through this revolutionary research, both Harry and Potter have demonstrated that one need not worry about loss of Karma when flushing a pet of any kind down the drain; so long as the pet in question will fit through the drain opening.


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