Post 9: Classmate’s Paper 2 Peer Review. Dear Leon W



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Post 9: Classmate’s Paper 2 Peer Review.
Dear Leon W,
I read your paper about the power of the advertisement industry. I liked your paper because we have the same point of view about advertisements which is that they have negative effects on the people in the society. What makes your paper different from other people’s paper is that you mentioned how the advertisements use creativity which attracts viewers and makes them not ignore what they are seeing. The example you gave for that is that advertisements use color for making the background attractive which then catches the viewer’s attention because the ad will look so beautiful which will make the viewer take their time and watch it. I like this example you gave because it shows how the advertisements industry got more power and control over us because the can trap us for their own benefit without us realizing or doing something about it. 
The main two points in your argument is that advertisements brainwash consumers by making people be obsessed with what they are presenting which goes back to as you mentioned before the use of beautiful colors in the Ad setting, and the constant repeat of manipulative information which they keep giving us every time thus makes us take the action of reaching to our pockets and buying their goods. You also talked about how internet advertisements are everywhere and can be found in most places in our daily lives which is another aspect that shows how the advertisements industry are thirsty for our attention and involvement. I was glad to read your essay because you gave me new information which wasn’t included in my essay when i talked about the negative effects of advertisements. 
One of the new ideas you gave me about the internet advertisements industry is that they are always put where people try to handle their daily tasks. The examples you gave is when a person is creating a social or internet account the ads pop out of nowhere to make you see what is being presented in the ad and forget what you were doing. This is a good idea you gave me because it is a good supportive argument against the benefits of advertisements thus it shows how advertisements acting as obstacles that prevent us from doing what we have to do in our daily life. As a support to the brainwashing idea of advertisements, I like how you mentioned advertisements in funny videos which makes a lot of people specially social media users share and pass it around to their friend’s pages and the message becomes global. This is important because it’s something that happens especially to me because when I find an entertaining video in social media, without thinking twice i quickly share it with my friends not realizing that i helped advertisements brainwash a lot of people.
Overall i think your essay was fairly written but some of the things that needs improvements in your essay is the grammar, and explaining your ideas well. You need to improve in your grammar because you want your reader to clearly know and understand what you are talking about. You had a lot of good ideas so imagine a person following through your ideas without stopping to check what a sentence meant or skipping sentences because of not understanding it. you want your reader to smoothly read your essay without checking corrections or grammar. Also you need to explain your ideas well because in your paper there’s some points where you state it without analyzing and relating it to the real world. So some of your ideas need analysis. But overall your essay was good according to your points.

Yours Truly,
Aden Moallim.


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