Following each ineffective response



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Instructions

  • Following each ineffective response:
    • Choose the statement that describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/expectation.
    • If an adult-imposed consequence is necessary, choose which consequence is most appropriate. If it is not necessary, indicate this by choosing the answer that states that it is not necessary.

Example

  • Percy engages in name calling to avoid being called a “loser” by the group of children who were picking on another child. The teacher calls to tell you that Percy was part of the bullying group at recess.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “You’re not like the rest of those bullies. This is what happens when you give in to peer pressure.”
  • Child Statement:
    • “Why should I put myself on the line?”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “Because it is the right thing to do.”

Example

  • 1. Which statement describes the behavior and positively states the rule/expectation?
    • “You’re just as bad as the bully.”
    • “You were picking on another child. We treat others with respect even when we are afraid of being teased.”
    • “How would you feel if you were being bullied? You need to apologize.”

Example

  • 2. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which is most appropriate?
    • Percy loses television privileges.
    • Percy must apologize to the child who was picked on and explain his reason for participating.
    • Percy must write an essay about bullying.

Scenario 1

  • Shonda refuses to welcome the new neighbor.
  • Child Statement:
    • “I don’t care about the new neighbor. Why should I go over there and say hi?”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “It is not very nice to ignore the new neighbor.”

Scenario 1

  • 1. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “We welcome our new neighbors by introducing ourselves and shaking hands.”
    • “You are not being respectful of other people’s feelings. You should be kind to others.”
    • “How would you feel if you were the new neighbor?”

Scenario 1

  • 2. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which is most appropriate?
    • Shonda must lose playtime for the day if she does not have a conversation with the new neighbor.
    • On the weekend, Shonda will not have a play date so that she can know how it feels to be left out.
    • Shonda must write the new neighbor a letter welcoming her to the neighborhood.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 2

  • Hillary starts asking you 20 questions when you are making an important phone call.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet?”

Scenario 2

  • 3. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “If you do not stay quiet until I am off the phone, you will lose your playtime today.”
    • “You need to remain quiet while I am on the phone. Please wait until I am done talking.”
    • “If you would be patient, we would not be having this conversation.”

Scenario 2

  • 4. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Hillary must sit in her chair for 15 minutes without moving.
    • Hillary is not allowed to sit in the same room with you during your phone conversation.
    • Hillary must apologize and remain quiet.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 3

  • Paul complains that all the children were picking on him again. He tells you that he will not stop playing on the jungle gym just to avoid the bullies.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “Didn’t we talk about avoiding them on the jungle gym? Why didn’t you tell a teacher?”

Scenario 3

  • 5. Which statement describes the problem and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “We need to revise our plan. Avoiding the jungle gym is not going to be an option for you.”
    • “You are never going to stop being the victim if you don’t avoid them.”
    • “Face facts and deal with it: those bullies are always going to be around the jungle gym.”

Scenario 3

  • 6. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • You ask Paul's teacher for the bullies and Paul to sit out recess.
    • You ask Paul's teacher to forbid the bullies from using the jungle gym from now on.
    • You tell Paul that he is not to use the jungle gym from now on.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 4

  • Even Steven takes his brother’s new game without asking. When you reprimand him, he gets defensive.
  • Child Statement:
    • “I don’t have his stupid game! How come you always punish me for no reason?”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “Do not talk back to adults.”

Scenario 4

  • 7. Which statement describes the problem and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “You are being disrespectful by talking back to me and also by taking your brother’s game.”
    • “If you don’t want to be grounded, give back the game now.”
    • “You took your brother’s belonging without asking. Stealing is not allowed in our home. Please give his game back.”

Scenario 4

  • 8. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Steven must give his brother back his game and apologize to him. If he takes his brother’s belongings without asking again, he must lose something that is important to him, such as computer time.
    • Steven’s weekend with his friends is now canceled.
    • Steven must give his brother one of his favorite games in return.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 5

  • Isaac throws another kid on the ground, claiming he took his ball without asking.
  • Child Statement:
    • “That thief stole my ball!”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “Just because he took your ball does not mean that you can hit him!”

Scenario 5

  • 9. Which statement describes the problem and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “Only bad kids hit others. Go sit down now.”
    • “Isaac, I thought that you were going to work on your attitude. I am very disappointed in you.”
    • “You hit another child. Hitting is not allowed.”

Scenario 5

  • 10. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Isaac must give his friend the ball and sit out for a period of time.
    • If Isaac hits again, he must stop playing and come inside.
    • Isaac must write a paragraph on why people must keep their hands to themselves.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 6

  • Frederica has copied another student’s answers during a math quiz.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “Why did you copy from her?”

Scenario 6

  • 11. Which statement describes the problem and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “Do you understand how serious it is to cheat?”
    • “You copied off of another student’s quiz. You have broken the school's rule.”
    • “I never thought that you would cheat, Frederica.”

Scenario 6

  • 12. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Frederica's playtime is replaced with study time to prepare for taking the quiz again.
    • Frederica fails the quiz.
    • Frederica must apologize to the student off of whom she cheated.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 7

  • Louis comes home depressed, telling you that the plan the two of you discussed for him to make more friends at school is not working.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “You can’t give up now.”

Scenario 7

  • 13. Which statement describes the problem and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “The plan we made is not working for you. It is time to reevaluate our strategy.”
    • “You’re not trying hard enough. Our plan should work for you.”
    • “Oh Louis, everything is fine. It will be OK.”

Scenario 7

  • 14. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Louis must sit for 15 minutes and think of as many solutions to his problem as possible.
    • Louis must not come back to you for help until he has figured out his problem himself.
    • You will ask the teacher to move Louis’ seat today in the hope that he will talk to new students.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 8

  • Adam fakes having a headache to avoid going to soccer tryouts.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “You don’t have a headache. You are just worried.”

Scenario 8

  • 15. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “You shouldn’t lie about how you're feeling. Have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried wolf?”
    • “The doctor is for people who are really sick, not fakers.”
    • “You are worried about tryouts and are pretending you don't feel well to avoid tryouts. In our home, we tell the truth.”

Scenario 8

  • 16. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Adam must go to tryouts, no matter what.
    • Adam will stay inside for the rest of the afternoon to learn not to fake an illness.
    • Adam must go to tryouts but sit out because of his “headache.”
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 9

  • You overhear Chris making fun of another child’s athletic ability.
  • Child Statement:
    • “I don’t think you could kick that ball more than three feet!”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “You are being very cruel.”

Scenario 9

  • 17. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “How would you feel if someone made fun of you, Chris?”
    • “You’re not so great, either. I’ll bet you can’t kick the ball that far either.”
    • “You were criticizing her athletic ability. We treat other kids with respect. Please apologize.”

Scenario 9

  • 18. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Chris must apologize to the other child and stop playing.
    • Chris must stop whatever she was playing at the time of her insult.
    • Chris loses a privilege, like television, for the rest of the week.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 10

  • Billy harasses another child out of fear of being ostracized.
  • Child Statement:
    • “Look at his big ears! He looks like an elephant!”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “You are being a bully!”

Scenario 10

  • 19. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “You are not being a nice person.”
    • “You are making fun of another child. We treat others with respect. Please apologize.”
    • “Don’t bully others.”

Scenario 10

  • 20. Is a consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Billy must stop whatever he was playing at the time of his insult.
    • Billy and the child are separated.
    • Billy loses his a privilege at home for the rest of the week.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 11

  • Ralph screams at you when he learns that he has to change dinner plans.
  • Child Statement:
    • “You told me that you would let me know ahead of time if we were eating at home. You are such a liar!”
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “There is no excuse for your disrespectful behavior.”

Scenario 11

  • 21. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “Stop yelling at me right now!”
    • “You are furious. Calling me a name is not OK. Even when we are angry we treat each other with respect.”
    • “There is no need for you to yell right now. Stop it.”

Scenario 11

  • 22. Is a consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Ralph must have dinner with the family anyway, despite his protests.
    • The parent disengages with the child.
    • Ralph must eat dinner by himself.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 12

  • After sitting down to do her homework 20 minutes ago, you realize that Danielle has not even looked at it yet. She is too busy staring out the window at children playing.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “Danielle, you haven’t even started your homework. At this rate, you are never going to finish in time to go outside and play.”

Scenario 12

  • 23. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “You are wasting valuable class time, Danielle. This is not acceptable.”
    • “If you are not going to be productive today, you can sit by yourself.”
    • “You’re having a hard time getting started. Our rule is homework first, then play.”

Scenario 12

  • 24. Is an adult-imposed consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • You close the blinds so Danielle cannot look outside.
    • Danielle must sit at the table and finish her work, no matter how long it takes.
    • Danielle does not get to go outside to play.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 13

  • Bob has reverted back to his bullying behaviors. You learn that he pushed another child into the bathroom stall at school and stuck his head in the toilet.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “What were you thinking? You are grounded for the rest of the month!”

Scenario 13

  • 25. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “You are never going to change, Bob.”
    • “You hurt another child. We treat others with respect and keep our hands to ourselves.”
    • “When are you going to learn how to treat others with respect?”

Scenario 13

  • 26. Is a consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Bob must sign up for community service and sensitivity training.
    • Bob is grounded for a week.
    • Bob is denied playtime privileges for the rest of the month.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 14

  • Victoria physically attacked a group of children at recess, accusing them of plotting to steal her lunch money.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “How many times do I have to tell you? You are being paranoid!”

Scenario 14

  • 27. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “You attacked the other kids because you thought they were going to steal your money. Hitting is not allowed. We handle conflict with words and keep our hands to ourselves.”
    • “You are never going to make friends if you act paranoid all the time.”
    • “I have had enough with your paranoia. You are out of control.”

Scenario 14

  • 28. Is a consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Victoria must write an essay about not hitting others.
    • Victoria will get help from the school therapist so that she is able to explain her actions to the children as well as identify what she can do the next time she feels disrespected.
    • Victoria must stay away from the group of students during recess from now on.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.

Scenario 15

  • Greg has become more isolated and depressed lately. He tells you that the plan to help him avoid Bob’s bullying has failed and he has given up.
  • Ineffective Response:
    • “You are going to have to toughen up a bit and ignore him.”

Scenario 15

  • 29. Which statement describes the behavior and positively restates the rule/ expectation?
    • “Greg, you are the only one who can make you happy. I don’t know what else to do for you.”
    • “Everything is fine. You are worrying for no reason.”
    • “The plan we made is not working for you. It is time to reevaluate our strategy.”

Scenario 15

  • 30. Is a consequence necessary? If so, which consequence is appropriate?
    • Greg must not come back to you for help until he has figured out the problem himself.
    • Greg must sit for 15 minutes and think of as many solutions to his problem as possible.
    • You will ask the teacher to move Greg’s seat today in the hope that he will talk to new students.
    • No adult-imposed consequence is necessary.
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