|English 12AP Evaluating your essay
Mrs. Novak The Kite Runner
Directions: For the “corrections” assignment, you must type up your essay, fixing all cosmetic errors. Single-space your essay and check your quotations as you type them up: did you quote accurately?
Although this is not a rewrite, examine your essay for the following points while you type:
Do you have a catchy, appropriate opening? Is it forceful or trite/generic?
Do you transition smoothly to your thesis statement?
Do you mention author and title (Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner) somewhere in your intro?
Does your thesis statement include Hosseini’s message/theme/purpose and the two or three points that you will address in support of it (depending on whether you’re writing a four- or five-paragraph essay)?
Is your intro too long and/or repetitive? (For example, do you keep repeating “In Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner . . .” more than once? Remember: the clock is ticking!)
Main body paragraphs
Does each TS introduce the point for the paragraph?
Do you have adequate CDs that support the point for the paragraph?
Do you have adequate lead-ins to your quotations? (Make sure context and speaker are clear.)
Do you have at least two sentences of CM for each CD (preferably blended)?
Does this CM explain how your CD supports your point for the paragraph?
Do you periodically reiterate Hosseini’s message in your CM? Count the number of times you wrote “Hosseini” or some synonym (“the writer” or “the author”) in your essay.
Does your CS “conclude” your point and link back to the author’s purpose?
Do you have a connection to your opening?
Do you link back to the author’s purpose?
Pomegranate alley occurrence privilege
Afghanistan Kabul existence corduroy
Stay in present tense.
Avoid passive voice: “ . . . scenes of violence are used to illustrate . . .”
Rewrite using active voice: “The author uses scenes of violence to illustrate . . .”
Avoid speculation (“Through the violence, Hosseini highlights the importance of loyalty, showing how if Amir would have helped Hassan, he would not have had to deal with the guilt.”
Rewrite cause and effect: “Because Amir fails to help Hassan, he wrestles with guilt for the next 26 years.”
Replace “getting” with “being” or “receiving,” depending on the context: “In one of the most graphic and influential scenes of the novel, Hosseini portrays Hassan, at age 12, getting raped.” (“being raped”)
Sample thesis statements
“Similar to the violence of revolution, in Khaled Hosseini’s contemporary novel The Kite Runner, Hassan’s rape and Amir’s brutal confrontation with his childhood enemy Assef illustrate the importance of atonement for one’s past sins and demonstrate that ‘no scene of violence exists for its own sake.’” Note the transition from the lead-in, the two clear points, the author’s purpose, and alignment with the prompt.
“Author Khaled Hosseini’s representation of childhood in his novel The Kite Runner ultimately defines the importance of the past by displaying Amir’s turbulent experiences as a child and the effect these experiences have on Amir’s growth into a man.” Note the alignment with the prompt, the clear points, and the theme.
Sample TS sentences
“Amir’s betrayal of his loyal friend Hassan is a defining moment in Amir’s life and, in Hosseini’s opinion, an act of evil.” Note connection to the author’s purpose.
“A young boy yearning for his father’s love and respect, Amir’s selfish desires cause him to betray his only friend—an action that haunts his every waking moment.” Note consequences for the character’s action.
“As a child, Amir grows in an environment filled with discrimination, neglect, and hatred, ultimately creating a troubled protagonist whose struggle is the central focus or the novel.”
Nice weaving/embedding of quotations
“Although Amir’s conscience tells him to react, he forces himself to believe that ‘Hassan was the price that (he) had to pay, the lamb (he) had to slay to win Baba’ because, after all, he was ‘just a Hazara.’”
Sample CS sentence
“Amir and Hassan’s fight under the pomegranate tree re-enforces Hosseini’s idea that choices have consequences.”